


Faithless Prayers

by Judgement



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms, Fate/stay night - All Media Types
Genre: Crisis of Faith, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Reader-Insert, Relationship open to interpretation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26893132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judgement/pseuds/Judgement
Summary: “I’ve never been a believer or one to pray, but would you forgive me for that and listen, anyway?” You asked.
Relationships: Arjuna Alter | Berserker & Reader, Arjuna Alter | Berserker/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	Faithless Prayers

**Author's Note:**

> [Inspiration Music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ipxYKhtSYs&ab_channel=TheSoulofWind). You can see this as friendship or ship, honestly.

You had never been a believer, even after you came to Chaldea. You summoned literal Gods to fight alongside you and yet you found it difficult to have any faith. Given everything that happened and everything that you lost—you believed even less than you did coming in. But despite how you felt, there were days like today where you pretended you did. Pretended that you could place your faith in a higher being that held more power. That it all happened for a reason and you were being tested, that good deeds meant a good end. 

Maybe that was why you found yourself on the floor beside his legs with your head in his lap. The tears had long since dried and you didn’t cry over your loss anymore, but you wished you did. So that you felt a little less numb and the gaping hole in your chest didn’t feel so large. 

“I’ve never been a believer or one to pray, but would you forgive me for that and listen, anyway?” You asked.

Your voice was quiet and if he wasn’t a servant, he didn’t think he would have heard it. His hand rested on your head and he gently stroked your hair. Leaning forward just enough that he peered down at your face through half-lidded eyes. If he were still the Indian God that ruled over the Lostbelt, he’d have granted anything you desired. So that he could reward your struggle and the brave face you put on as you set forth. Unwavering devotion and determined to see it through to the end. But the berserker couldn’t and it pained him. The bond you shared allowed the empty feeling to throb in his chest. A painful ache that he found you suffered from more and more as time went on, as your path and the journey continued.

“As you wish.” He kept his tone low, just enough for you. 

These moments happened with more frequency, and at first he didn’t care if they did. Now he waited patiently for you to find him in the early hours of the morning, before the sun rose. He sat in the most remote part of Chaldea, close to the window so you both could watch the snow. Maybe even the stars, if the weather would let up. You would sit by his feet and rest your head on his lap and his hand would stroke your hair. He would even say it was routine by now. A time alone with you that he was instinctively possessive of and the thought of other servants ruining it made him scowl. There was a time and place for those fleeting thoughts and feelings, though. For now, he listened to the way your breath shuddered and felt the tightness in your chest. Peered down at your face and traced the way your eyelids fluttered slightly even when closed. 

“I don’t ask for much, I don’t think. But.. well I guess asking for everyone to get along or that the missions we run to go smoothly is asking for a lot, all things considered,” you chuckled, “but I—I wish and I pray that, that—”

Your voice broke and he could see your lashes dampen with tears. 

“I hope that Mash is happy wherever she is, that she gets to experience everything she wants to. That Romani still has his human side, that he can enjoy Magic Mari still. That Da Vinci doesn’t find me a failure and that she doesn’t regret anything.”

You hid your face in the lap of the Indian God, clutched onto the material of his pants and sobbed. “I—I just hope that they’re happy and that they don’t regret anything. That they know I would do anything to save them and that I’m sorry for being such a failure of a master!”

Because if you were a better master, you would have defeated Goetia without Romani giving up his life. Without Mash giving up hers, without Da Vinci sacrificing herself. You would have solved it with no lives being lost. You wouldn’t ask that you all came out unscathed but alive. So long as they were at least alive, you would have been happy. You sobbed into Arjuna’s lap, muffled your wails the best you were able as you clung tightly. The tears didn’t stop for a long time and your servant stayed quiet throughout. Allowed you to cry to your heart’s content until your mouth was dry and your eyes were bloodshot. You didn’t expect the berserker to say anything, to let you cry was more than enough for you.

Arjuna hesitated, he had gained back slivers of his humanity but it overwhelmed him still. Yet he found he couldn’t stay quiet and gave in to the urge and tried to comfort you.

“You’ve asked me to convey feelings that they’re already aware of,” he felt your body as it stiffened beneath his touch as he continued to stroke your hair, “you did not fail, it was a path that only one person could continue to traverse. And they knew you were the only one capable of walking it.”

The tears began anew, but he felt the heavy ache in your chest and the weight on your shoulders was just a bit lighter.


End file.
